What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
