Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
