Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
