I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
