Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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