Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
