Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
