I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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