Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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