Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
