she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
