I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
