One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
