the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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