Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
