dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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