Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
