Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Are we still banned from the library?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
