I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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