WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
