one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
