so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
