yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
