I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
