your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Betty ford says i'm here all night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
