Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
