I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish i was in the wii world.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
