fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
