So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
