Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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