babies were throwing up all over the place
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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