Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
