I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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