Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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