god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
