When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
