Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last time i carry you out of a forest
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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