Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
