doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
