i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
