we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
