dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
