And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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