So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
