3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
