the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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