Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
