can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
