omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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