I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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