They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We had to coat check the pizza.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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