Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
